50th

I just want to thank Amy for making her dad's 50th birthday special. Amy's efforts were from the heart. First she gave David the book, "Stuart Little" this was the book David used to read to Amy when she was very young. Amy also made a video using family photos and music. This was a tender moment for the David and his children.

Jeremy sent David the movie, "Memento" Jeremy's favorite film. This was another gift from the heart. Amy also gathered the children together for a birthday meal. She makes the best homemade pancakes!

In closing, thank you for a heartfelt 50th birthday celebration for your father.

AIDS!

As of today, 25 million people have died of AIDS. Worldwide, 15 million children have been orphaned by AIDS and 33 million people are living with HIV/AIDS. Nearly 7,000 individuals become newly infected each day. These numbers are truly staggering. These statistics are from "The Foundation for AIDS Research."

The above statistics are know cases. There are many cases of AIDS that are not reported or known. Since the entertainment industry is not backing the AIDS effort like it did 10 years ago, the public is returning to dangerous sex practices. There are more and more people practicing unsafe sex. Teenagers are becoming one of the larger groups getting HIV/AIDS in the metropolitan areas. Condoms are not handed out for free as much as they were 10 years ago. Literature is not as available as it was 10 years ago. You don't see commercials encouraging safe sex and the use of condoms like we did 10 years ago. Why?

The entertainment industry seems to pick a cause and go full force with it. In the 80's they battled world hunger. Concerts and videos were dedicated to the effort. In the 90's AIDS awareness was the big cause. Celebrities made commercials explaining abstinence was the best way to prevent getting sexually transmitted diseases. Movies were made concerning AIDS victims. This century, breast cancer and supporting our troops seem to be the big causes. Sure there are some famous individuals still supporting the AIDS effort; however, parents need to talk with their children about safe sex. Friends need to encourage each other to keep themselves protected against sexually transmitted diseases.

In closing, when the entertainment industry moves to a new cause, we need to keep the less advertised causes alive and strong!

Easy Non-Dairy Chocolate Cake!

David celebrated his 50th birthday yesterday. I was really upset I couldn't get out to get him a cake. At this time, I cannot drive due to the medicines I am on. David's children decided to take him to the Twin's game last night. So I decided I would take the pick-up and run to the store. Unfortunately, my son parked to close to the garage for me to get out. I ran to the computer and looked for a homemade cake recipe. Then I realized I had no milk. While surfing the web, I found a non-dairy recipe. I happened to have all the ingredients needed to make the cake. It isn't that bad. Below is the recipe I found.

3 c. flour
2 tsp. vinegar
2 c. sugar
2/3 c. salad oil
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp. vanilla
1/2 c. cocoa
2 c. cold water
2 tsp. baking soda

In large bowl, mix by hand flour, sugar, salt, cocoa and baking soda. Add vinegar, salad oil, vanilla and water. Mix by hand. Bake at 350 degrees in 9x13 inch pan; test at 30-35 minutes. Toothpick should come out clean.

Oh, didn't have anything to make frosting. All David got was a plain chocolate cake! Went to store today and made peanut butter frosting for the cake. Ugh! Such drama I cause myself!

Greeting Cards!

Recently David received a birthday card that had an obituary in it. The obituary was about a former classmate from high school. When I received my birthday card back in February, I had the immense pleasure of reading my card and opening the gift that was sent with it. My gift was the last volume of the Harry Potter series. Tucked in the first page of the book was my mother's obituary. She passed away a couple weeks before my birthday. I find it interesting that we both got cards celebrating our birth with the obituaries in them.

So my morbid thinking kicked in! What if this was a new trend? Multiple themes in one greeting card. This would save money! You would get a birthday and sympathy card all in one. You could get a Christmas and sympathy card in one. How exciting this would be! What would really make it even more special would be to make them the singing cards. Below I came up with two of these wonderful cards.

Birthday - Sympathy Card
Tune is "Happy Birthday to You"

Happy birthday to you!
Your mother turned blue!
Happy birthday dear Bill!
She is buried on the hill!

Christmas - Sympathy Card
Tune is "We Wish You A Merry Christmas"

We wish you a merry Christmas.
Your Aunt is no longer with us.
We wish you a merry Christmas.
We buried her this past year.

Please forgive my morbid cards. I just find it strange that someone would put a death notice in a birthday card!

Blogging!

I have not blogged in a couple days. This would mean I have not been blogging. I have asked myself the past two days, to blog or not to blog? I obviously decided not to blog. There is no good excuse for the decision not to blog. Blogging has been a great way for me to express my thoughts. I have enjoyed the blog topics I have chosen so far. I hope anyone who follows my blog has found some of them interesting. Thank you for reading my blog.

Forgive this blog. The day got away from me before I remembered to blog.

Homesick!

Today I was sitting outside thinking about the house and neighborhood where I spent most of my youth. I have been thinking about my past for a few weeks now. I believe this is due to my upcoming 30th high school reunion. I have recently reestablished contact with old classmates and some old friends from my childhood neighborhood.

I started feeling homesick today. All this nostalgia has made me realize how I miss home. Home being the house I grew up in. I also realized there is no way to go back and visit. My childhood home and neighborhood have been gone for 33 years. They demolished the area for low income housing. The only remaining item is a tree that used to be outside our kitchen window. There is nothing else on the spot where my home was standing. It is just grass and the tree. All around that spot are townhouses for low income families. It was as if in an instant my childhood memories evaporated when they destroyed the area between 14th and 15th street.

However, I realize home is in my heart. No one can take away the memories I have stored there. The only way those memories will totally be lost is when my heart stops beating. I also feel sorry for today's youth. Many families move many times during their children's youth. We were fortunate to live in the same house until my mid-teens. Our home had history. My parents lived in that house for 30 years. Since leaving home, I have lived in numerous houses and apartments. My children did not grow up in the same house. They were lucky to live in the same town during their youth. So, I do get homesick at times. I know I will never be able to go back to see my childhood haunts.

Home is where the heart is!

A Night Out!

David and I decided to go out to a club last night. We have not been to this club for months. We thought it would be nice to get out of the house and mingle with others. I forgot one of the reasons we stopped going out to the club. There is so much superficiality it's hard to tell who is being sincere and who is just being polite.

We walked into the club and noticed some familiar faces of the staff where not there. There were new faces on the staff. Immediately the club was not as familiar as it used to be. When we went to this club on a more frequent basis, it was like walking into Cheers. Staff members remember our names and some even remembered what we drank. I am not sure if that was a good thing or we just went out too much and drank too much then. With the new staff it seemed like we were in a completely different place. I missed the familiar feeling I used to get walking in to the building.

There were also many new faces among the patrons. There were some faces we recognized and some club friends. These are people we only see while at the club. We got the familiar hellos from them. Some even chatted with us for a few minutes. Since we have not been there in awhile was the reason for the hellos. It became hard to look them in the eye and believe they truly where glad to see us. We would hear, "I have to pee but will be back." They never did come back. I guess the pee didn't go well.

In closing, drinking buddies are what they are. They are really not your good friends. You get the polite hello and small talk and off they go. It is fun to watch the individuals on the make. They cruise an area of the bar and give that ever so knowing smile and nod their head. Then they proceed to follow the person through the bar. I am thankful I have a life partner and I never have to worry about being so lonely I need to go on the make. I was there at one time in my life and I do not miss it. It is a desperate cry for some kind of physical contact. It is a dangerous game to play. It can really destroy your self confidence when you are rejected.

Was a night out worth it? I am not sure it was.

When It's Time To Let Go.

When is the time to say enough is enough? Many of us hold on to relationships or friendships longer than we should. We keep trying to fix what is wrong or wait hoping things will just get better. We go out of our way to try and heal wounds that the other person may have caused. We find excuses to keep giving them chance after chance.

On the other hand, we may be the one inflicting the wounds causing pain. We may be the ones that play games with people's emotions. We test the other person's intentions. We put them in situations that test their loyalty to us.

In my opinion, there are relationships that need to end for the well being of both parties involved. There is a time to say enough is enough! Why hold each other back from growing? Why inflict pain? There is a time to walk away and there is a time to be walked away from.

Book vs Movie!

My son recently saw the newest Harry Potter movie. He was disappointed the movie was not totally following the book. I find very few movies ever totally follow a book. There may be budget reason or possibly the length the movie would have to be. I think it would be hard to make a movie that lives up to a book.

A book relies on your imagination to bring the story to life. Your imagination is what decides what the characters look like, what the scenery looks like and so on. It would be very difficult for any movie to live up to your imagination. Another reason a movie doesn't live up to a book, the movie never completely shows every little nuance a book describes. Movies sometime take a different approach to an event than the way it was written in the book.

A good example of a movie not living up to the book would be The Shining by Steven King. The movie changed or left out events in the book. If you never read the book and saw the movie, the movie was very good. For those people who did read the book and then saw the movie, it was a disappointment. Steven King did not like the movie version so he produced a mini-series that would totally go by the book. The mini-series was a success for the readers of the book.

During the 70's and most of the 80's, mini-series were common on television. These were movies stretched out over a few nights of viewing. This gave Steven King the opportunity to tell The Shining as written in his book. I miss the mini-series. This was a way to bring books to life without losing the integrity of the book. Many mini-series were very close to the books.

In closing, I would rather read a book before seeing the movie. This allows my imagination to soar.

Shadows

They lurk in the darkest corners.
They are always near you.


You catch a glimpse of them as they move just out of your sight.
You know they are there just out of your reach.


They move sometimes as quiet as a cloud floating in the sky.
They will cause the slightest noise to ensure you know they exist.


You think you see movement from the corner of you eye.
You hear the quietest whisper of a voice.


They can send chills through your soul.
They will exhale just ever so softly.


You realize you are never alone.
You are living with the shadows morning, noon and night.


William J. Snyder
July 14, 2009

A Day to Give Thanks!

Instead of writing a blog expressing my opinion today, I just want to thank God for giving David and me a very needed gift. An unexpected surprise happened today that will make our lives a little easier.

Praise God from who all blessings flow.

Parents' Love!

As a child, I was taught to respect my elders. I never yelled or used obscenities when speaking with my parents. I never would have ever considered "telling my parents off." There are two reasons for this. One, I have too much respect and love for them to even think of being disrespectful. Second, if I would have been disrespectful, I would have been punished.

As a parent, I am thankful to have two sons that I am proud of. My sons have never yelled at me or used bad language towards me. Both my boys have turned out to be wonderful young men. Sure they have problems they deal with; however, they don't blame others for their problems.

I have witnessed children treating their parents badly to the point of harassment. I have heard the foulest language used against parents. What I don't understand are the parents that just take it in stride. How can they let their children speak to them in such an ugly manner? Has our generation totally lost all morals to the point of our children being abusive to their parents?

My question is at what point does a parent stop loving a child? Or should I ask, at what point do you stop liking your child? I believe parents can love their children and not like them. Sure some will say you love your child but just don't like what they are doing. I think some parents do get to the point of not liking their child. When a child turns into an adult that you would never associate with, do you distance yourself? We need to get back to teaching our children respect.

Any thoughts on this?
Happy parenting!

Survey!

I decided to just see who is reading my blog. If you are following my blog, please leave a comment. Thanks

Nursing Home.

I used to work in a nursing home in the mid 90's. I started out as a cook and then became a CNA. During my time there, I witnessed the activities the residents participated in. There would be quilting bees, crocheting, knitting and sing-a-longs to the "oldies but goodies." There was calming music playing in the hallways. Some people would call the music "elevator music."

Heading into my 50's, I wonder what a nursing home will be like when I get to my retirement age. Instead of coffee served at a quilting bee, will they serve lattes or capuchinos while we watch old MTV videos? In the hallways will you hear songs by Journey, The Eagles, SuperTramp and 80's tunes? When we have sing-a-longs, will we be singing tunes by Abba, Heart, Michael Jackson and other forgotten groups from our youth?

Will we gather around the Christmas tree and listen to Britney Spears Christmas CD? Will we be sitting in front of a big screen television playing Mario's latest adventure? Will we be having Sushi, Meat Lovers Pizza, Subs or any other food that our generation feasts on for dinner?

In conclusion, hopefully the nursing homes will adjust to the generation that is heading its way.
Just something to think about.

GIMP!

I have been given a new label today, Gimp! I have issues with my lower back and my legs when I walk. I have recently started using a cane to alleviate some of the pressure I feel when walking. I only started using my cane recently. I use it when walking through a store.

Today we went to a bread outlet store. While David was paying for our items, I walked out to the car. I was standing beside the car leaning on my cane when a van went by and someone in the van yelled "gimp!" I stood there and watched the van proceed down the street. I noticed it had a Minnesota license plate. I immediately thought, "Minnesota nice at its best."

In the dictionary one of the meanings of the word gimp is - someone who is lame and limps when they walk. So I guess, according to the dictionary, I am a gimp. So do I get mad and have hurt feelings? Normally I would be upset; however, I found it amusing for some reason. I have been gimped. Maybe I was gimpified or was I gimping? Not sure. Anyway, to all those who have been labeled "gimp", I am one of you.

Have a Minnesota nice day!

Not In The Mood!

Did you ever have one of those days you woke up in a bad mood? A day that you would rather have no human contact. A day you want to be alone. A day that every little thing gets on your nerves. Well I am having one of those days. What caused me to wake up this way? What happened through the night that changed my mood? I ponder these questions. I went to bed in a good mood. I didn't have a bad day yesterday. Hmmm.

Did I dream of something that possibly put me in this mood? I really don't remember dreaming, but we often forget our dreams. Is it some repressed emotion that came to the forefront of my mind today? I don't really know. I know I posted a poem on depression yesterday. Did this cause my issue today? I only posted the poem when I was running out of time for a daily post. I wrote the poem a couple of years ago.

In conclusion, I am having a bad day. Many of us have them. Do we really know why we have bad days? Sure some days there are reasons we are upset or moody. For me those days are easier to handle. It is the days that I cannot find a reason for my mood that bothers me the most. Hopefully, I will get through this day with minimal damage to my psyche or to anyone else I may come in contact with. As Scarlett said in Gone With The Wind, "I will think about this tomorrow, for tomorrow is another day."

Have a good day!

Depression

Depression


Shadows pass by my minds eye.

Voices whisper in my ear.

Visions of places that are never seen.

Feelings of anger when I’m not mad.

Emotions run wild when I am sullen.

The sky is dark when lying in the sun.

Illogical thoughts run through my rational mind.

The pain of death seems blissful.

Someone, please save me from myself!


Written by: William J. Snyder
January, 30, 2006

Family

What is a family? Many people believe you are born into your family. This is a true statement; however, is this the only description of family? Many of us have siblings, aunts, uncles, parents and grandparents. These are family members by default. We are born into this family.

To me, family is those individuals who are there for you. They support you, comfort you, believe in you and love you unconditionally. I find that some of my natural family members do none of these. So are they really family? Yes and no. Yes, my siblings and I have the same parents. No, we do not keep in touch with each other. We don't know what's going on in each others lives. We don't know how each other are doing emotionally, financially and physically. Are we really still family?

The people who I consider my family care about me and I care about them. Other than my children, my family consists of individuals not related by blood. I think it is sad that my siblings and I are not close at all. We really don't care enough about each other to even stay in touch with one another. When our parents home ceased to exist, we stopped being a family. I really don't think we were ever close. We laughed together, we cried together and we tossed around "love you" without really feeling it. It was like we put on a show for our parents. Mom and dad loved us unconditionally and we loved them the same. I know our parents would be very sad to see how we drifted apart.

Family is where the heart is!

Movie Theater

Movie Theater

The lights dim then there is a flicker.

Visions of the universe or maybe a lion.

The room goes dark again.

The sound of music starts to play.

Words large as life come into view.

We sit transfixed on this wall of light.

Journeys are taken from here to our wildest dreams.

The music swells to a thunderous level.

The fantasy comes to an end.

You leave in awe of the world that has just been visited.

Life goes back to being normal until we visit again.

Written by: William J Snyder
January 30, 2006

Proud To Be An American!

Today is a celebration of freedom. Many Americans will have picnics, cookouts and parties today. There will be many fireworks displays this evening to celebrate the day. It is great to be an American!

However, do we celebrate today for freedom or has this holiday turned into what most holidays have, a reason for families and friends to get together. During this time in our country, it is easy to criticize our government. There are many things not going well - the economy, foreclosures, high gas prices, inflation, high unemployment, civil right issues and many other issues causing hardship for American citizens. I think we should at least take a moment today and remember what is good in this country. We have freedom to worship. Our children can go to school. We can speak our minds. We can criticize our government without worrying about retaliation from the government. We have the right to be individuals. So take a moment and remember what we do have to celebrate today.

I want to thank all the men and women who have dedicated their lives to protect our freedoms. My prayers go out to our service men and women. Thank You!

Below are the lyrics from a song we all should sing today.

God Bless The USA
by Lee Greenwood

If tomorrow all the things were gone, I’d worked for all my life. And I had to start again,with just my children and my wife.
I’d thank my lucky stars, to be livin here today. ‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom,and they can’t take that away.
And I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. And I wont forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up, next to you and defend her still today. ‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land, God bless the USA.
From the lakes of Minnesota, to the hills of Tennessee. Across the plains of Texas, From sea to shining sea.
From Detroit down to Houston, and New York to L.A. Well there's pride in every American heart, and its time we stand and say.
That I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. And I wont forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up, next to you and defend her still today. ‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land, God bless the USA.
And I’m proud to be and American, where at least I know I’m free. And I wont forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up, next to you and defend her still today. ‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land, God bless the USA.

Who Am I?

I am a son, I am a father, I am a partner, I am a friend, I am a man, and I am an individual. There are many labels that are too numerous to list. I have had successes and failures in all of these labels. Some labels do not exist anymore. I was a student, I was a husband, I was a manager, and I was a laborer. Again, there are more of these labels than I can list or remember. Some labels are earned, some are given to you.

Being a man and a son were the easiest to be. Obviously, I didn't have a choice with those two. How successful I was with the ones I earned are yet to be seen. I am still growing and improving on some of them. However, I realize many factors come into play to make us who we are and who we are going to be. Who we associate with, the economic times we are in, and any other outside sources can influence us as individuals.

In the past year or so, I have had time to evaluate myself. I find that I have trouble moving past failures in my life. I keep going over and over them trying to let them go. I keep asking myself, who am I? I really believe I will never be able to fully answer that question. There have been moments in my life that have been totally out of my control. I have to learn from those moments and move on. I have to learn to forgive myself and embrace my life fully. I have to keep on growing and learning about myself. To me self reflection is very difficult. It is easier to reflect on someone else's life than my own.

In closing, I need to focus on the positive part of my life. I need to comfort myself when needed. I need to love myself more. I need to be who I want to be not what others expect me to be. I need to keep asking, who am I?

Dreams

DREAMS

Day drifts into night and consciousness falls into slumber
The world slides away to a fantasy realm
How many places we visit is an infinite number
Then we realize we are no longer at the helm
*
The universes we visit come and go
Some are kind, some are intense
Few are places we truly know
Our emotions of love, happiness, and fear become immense
*
Darkness encompasses the room
Time slips by at the speed of light
This is a time of bliss and doom
Will we experience happiness or fright?
*
Monsters creep, villains are peering.
Angles are flying and loved ones are visions.
Do we awaken cheerful or sneering?
In this fantasy will we make the right decisions?
*
The sun slowly comes through the pane.
Our trip through the realm beyond expires.
Somehow the world doesn’t seem the same.
Maybe tonight we will dream of our deepest desires.

Written By

William J. Snyder

January 28, 2006

What If?

What if? I have heard many times in my life, never have a "what if." I have thought about this statement many times. I believe there is absolutely no way not to have a "what if?" in your life. We make decisions every day that change the course of the day. There are many forks in the path of life. Daily we choose which path to take. Some of these decisions are everyday mundane decisions that we don't even remember making. Others are bigger decisions we ponder about after the decision has been made. Did I make the right choice? Did I go in the right direction? Will I regret the decision I made?

The biggest "what if?" in my life, was the decision not to admit to myself, my family, and my friends that I am gay. This decision was based on fear. The fear of going to hell. The fear of my family and friends alienating me. So I did the all American. I graduated from high school, got married, and had children. However, after 18 years of marriage, this all changed. I am a gay man living with a life partner. As far as my big "what if?", I will embrace it. I have been blessed with two wonderful children and I have been blessed with a wonderful partner.

In conclusion, I don't believe all "what ifs?" are bad. We will have many of them in our lives. Embrace the ones that lead our lives on a positive path. Forgive yourself for the ones that were not positive. Life gives us many decisions to make. We can only make these decisions with what we know at the time. What if?

You Can't Take Any Of It With You.

First, In the past couple of weeks, we have lost a musician, an actress, a sidekick, and a famous pitchman. I imagine this has left many people wondering about their mortality. Some of these individuals signify an end of an era. Those of us heading into our golden years were teenagers when we idolized a few of these famous people. Thus, making us notice how old we are getting and how we are getting closer to those twilight years.

Second, no matter how much wealth, possessions, and status we have accumulated in our lives, we all have to face becoming old. Will we end up in nursing homes or will we be healthy and able to live life at home? Will our children take care of us when needed or will they consider it to much of a burden and pass us off to some institution to care for our needs? Will we have enough money saved to retire and enjoy the fruits of our labor or will we be struggling to survive? These questions have been going through my mind the past few weeks. I am heading towards 50 and not in the best of health. I understand 50 is not considered old. However, when you're not in good health, 50 is a scary number. I feel like I am a teenager inside at times, but my body will not cooperate. My mother used to say she was a 16 year old stuck in an old body. I would look at her and smile. I never thought I would be saying the same thing to my children.

Finally, I find myself evaluating my life. Mid life crisis? I realized no matter what wealth, possessions, or status I have accumulated in my life, it will all fade away and be forgotten someday. When our heart beats for the last time, when we take that last breath of life, none of that will matter. Dying is a personal situation between you and God. No one can do it for you. You cannot hire someone to take your place. I realize, I have been blessed with people who love me and whom I love. I have been blessed with the gift of life. In the end, you can't take any of it with you.

The First Blog

Yes, another person doing a blog! My partner has a blog and shares his thoughts and views on many subjects. I sit here listening to him type blog after blog. I enjoy reading his blog, it is a way to further discover who he is. I decided it would be a way for him to get to know me better by creating my own blog.

I will try to keep it up to date. I will try to make it interesting. I will make sure my thoughts on this blog are honestly how I feel about any given subject. Have a great day. Enjoy life.